hold the mayo

geocaching failure/winner

2011-06-26T21:02:00.000-07:00

on wednesday night, tim asked me if we had any plans on friday night- i told him we didn't- and honestly, didn't want to make any. he said he'd really like to explore our new neighborhood (we moved 3 weeks ago). thought we could walk to a local restaurant, and then grab a drink with some friends at a pub. i said that sounded like a great idea, maybe we could go geocaching. he sort of paused, and said "oh yeah.. that'd be good". in all honesty- we are geocache failures. We've tried to find one in our old neighborhood numerous times, but we just cant seem to spot it- we've found the letterbox (a pseudo-decoy to the cache) but never the actual cache itself. Either way-

friday night after work i got home, and started preparing my dog's dinner (long story) which entails descaling and skinning fish.. and roasting squash. (yeah, i said it was a long story). it was pouring rain, so i assumed our plans were going to be canceled, or just postponed because of the monsoon outside our front door. When tim got home from work, i asked 'hey- are our plans still on, or does this rain change things?' he said it was fine either way- he'd like to still go he found a cache that was easy, "a level one or two"... he wanted to redeem our history in the geocaching world. i was game. We had nowhere to be, it had been a traumatic day (see previous post) and i could go for a good adventure. we decided we'd leave around 7, so that gave me an hour to finish cooking, and get ready.

around 655, when the weather STILL hadn't died down, tim came wandering into the kitchen "are.. you about ready?" me:"oh! im sorry! i thought we were waiting for the rain to slow down! sure!" so i ran into the bed room, threw on a DMB tshirt, a hoodie a rain coat, and the crummiest tennis shoes i could find. "ready!"

as we hopped in the car, with our umbrella's, we realized our street was flooded. it was going to be a bigger adventure than we had bargained for. we drove a couple of blocks to this park, that tim used to go to as a kid- he said there were two cache's hidden in this park, one called "smoke on the water" the other called "birds nest". one was a 4/5 the other a 1/2. well.. let's start easy... birds nest it is.

we walked a little ways through the mud, and his GPS was telling us, we were on the right track. 400 ft...

200 ft.

35 ft.

10 ft....i started looking around.. i asked (exasperatedly) did you get any of the hints? he said he had, it was called birds nest, and something about a birds eye view.. thought it might be in a tree, and i was looking for a small tin.

when i spotted a tree where the branches were within eye sight, i said 'this has to be it!' he said the GPS was at 0, so i was probably right. he'd look low, i would look high. 2 minutes of searching go by, and i spot a tiny altoids container, strapped to the branch with rubberbands.

'GOT IT!!'

t: what!? really?!

i rip the tin off the branch and open it. there is a tiny piece of paper folded up inside, i let out an annoyed sigh.. a freakin' letterbox. tricked again.

tim said "what! what does it say!?"

"congratulations, you are the first and only person to find this cache. What you are looking for is very near, just look in the envelope, and it will appear."

what? what envelope? i sighed. "we have to find a flipping envelope. i bet its disintegrated in this tsunami."

i start looking all around this tree for an envelope, when tim says "i think this is what it meant" when i look at him, he has this tiny envelope in his hand, which he empties into his hand. A diamond engagement ring was in it.

my mind was racing. what is happening? is this a joke? where did that come from? was that a magic trick? WHAT is happening!?

that's when he got down on one knee, and i figured it all out.

i immediately started crying.. i couldn't believe what was about to happen.

he said "don't cry baby!" (too late) then he asked me if i would marry him. Said he would be the best husband i could ever want. (which um.. i already knew).

through tears, i said "of course i will marry you!"

we hugged, and smooched, and screamed! then we called my mom, and did all that over again! (mostly the screaming part). then ran back to the car, scooted home, and changed, to make our 8 pm. dinner reservation at a swanky restaurant in our neighborhood. i couldn't believe it. (still can't!) his plan all along was to go caching, and i am the one who offered it up! le sigh..

i have to say. i was probably the most annoying girlfriend in this whole thing. i'm not big into surprises... they literally make me go insane. but i suffered through, and now, i have a bright, shiny new accessory, but more important- a bright, shiny new fiance... even if i am still technically a geocache failure... i'm pretty sure i won this time.

oh today....

2011-06-24T21:58:00.000-07:00

it's funny...when i logged into my blog, i realized the last time i posted was officially a year ago. so crazy the way things go- the way life happens. so much has happened in the past year, which i suppose there are a million things i need/want to write about- but i'll just go ahead and not overwhelm you dear readers, by just talking about today. don't get me wrong. it was a real doozy. so, get comfy.

a year ago sunday, i started seeing a guy named tim- we were friends for a few months, became serious- and then inseperable. We actually moved in together 3 weeks ago, and have been having fun, learning how to live together. this all, is actually superfluous to the story, so i'll just go ahead and get to it.

Tim's parents have been out of the country for 2 weeks, they get back tomorrow. While they were gone, it was our duty to take care of the cats, if you know me.. you know i am NOT a cat person.. but, i agreed to a few days of stopping by, scooping the litter box, feeding them, playing with them, giving them snuggles- you know.. the norm.

i went by on tuesday to check on the little rascals, (kanga and roo). They are a little skittish when the parents are out of town, so i wasn't shocked when i only saw Roo peek her little head out to examine who the person in the house was. She snuggled my leg, gladly ate her kibble and lettuce i put out for her, and took a massive dump in the freshly cleaned litterbox...(blink).. i called tim on my way home- "hey, i didnt see kanga. I heard her scuttle away when i walked in, but i didnt see her.. that's okay right?" him: "hmm. yeah, that's probably fine- she usually just hides when people come over." me: "cool".

i'm curious if you know where this is going.

fast forward to today, at 330 PM. Tim calls me, which is pretty unlike him, to call during the day. When i answered, he didn't sound his happy-self, so i immediately said "what's wrong".

t: i can't find kanga.
l: oh... okay.. well, she is probably hiding, still
t: no. she got out, i just know it. i must've left the door open the other day.
l: c'mon. she's there. i heard her! wait.. now, not to be morbid- but could she have died somewhere in the house?
t: oh God.
l: no, no, i just, if you can't find her- she's sort of old- and animals like to be alone when they are dying.
t: well, Roo keeps going into my parents room, but i can't find Kanga.
l: oh dear.. could she be under the bed?

tim lays down on the ground,

do you know how on old box springs (or new ones for that matter) have the sheet type thing on the bottom, that occasionally comes down? well, imagine if something relatively large had crawled there, and decided to camp out.

this. is what tim sees.

t: oh. my. gosh. She's here. she's dead. she is stuck in the boxspring. oh my gosh.
l: okay. i'm on my way. i'll be there in 12 minutes. are you okay?
t: oh my gosh.. oh my gosh.. i dont know. oh man. what are we going to do?
l: ok, okay- dont panic. we'll get her out, and bury her. it will be fine.
t: oh my gosh.

i jump in the car, speed to his parents house, on the way i call him back, and tell him i need him to find a tupperware container, big enough to hold her, some towels, and some rubber gloves. i'm pretty good in crisis situations, until it comes to animals, and then i am just a blubbering idiot- so i knew i was going to need to keep it together, for him.

when i got there, i marched right into the bedroom to asses the situation. he was clearly upset, and i couldnt figure out HOW he found the cat, let alone, how we were going to get her out. i layed down on the ground, saw where she was, but really couldn't place that what i saw was actually a cat, until her eyes opened and stared.. right.. into.. my soul.

l: HER EYES ARE OPEN! OMGOMGOMGOMG #@($&#$(*&(&$^^%@
t: oh my gosh.. what if she is alive, and dying, what if she is SUFFERING.

panic ensues.

we are running around the house, both of us crying, trying to figure out how to get the cat out of the bed, or even how to asses WHERE the cat is, and in what state she was in. we were hoping if anything, she was dead- rather than stuck and suffering.

we stood the mattress up on it's end, took all the pillows off the bed, and i went to lift the boxspring. dead. weight.

both of us, through tears...
l: oh honey.. she is gone. she would have run by now.
t: i know
l: how the hell are we going to get her out?
t: what if she is already decomposing!
l: she isnt. it's been at MOST 4 days, that's the last time you saw her. here is our plan, you lift the box spring, i will wrap her in this towel, put her in the crate, and we will bury her in the backyard.
t: (deep breath) okay.

i asked him to go get some more towel, and while he was gone, i lifted the corner of the boxpring and shook, hoping to have her body fall out of the place it was stuck. i am okay with handling a dead animal body- but one that is lodged into a place i can't easily get my hands in- seems a little rough. i had visions of pet cemetery running through my head. as much shaking as i did, she didnt budge.

sigh.

i had a change of heart. i can't do this. what the hell am i thinking? why are we doing this? can't we call someone to do this for us? so that's what i do. i call one of my best friends' husbands, who seems to know the answer to most everything, and is a cracker-jack emergency man.

l: philip. i have a situation
p: what's up

i tell him the whole story, start to finish. he suggests cutting away the fabric on the underside of the boxspring so we can see where she actually is, and how badly she is tangled, and.. whether she is alive or not.

alright. i can do this. WE can do this.

i go back in the room tell tim to leave for a minute. (i didnt want him there as his childhood kitty came crashing to the ground), as soon as he leaves, i hoisted the box spring up on one arm, steadied it- the ripped the fabric off the staples.

pounce.

kanga looks up at me with her green glowing eyes.

l: ARE YOU F&^*()& KIDDING ME!?
t: oh gosh! WHAT!? is it awful!?
l: oh. my. gosh. THE CAT IS ALIVE!!!! THE CAT IS ALIVE!
t: oh dear Lord. what does that mean!
l: she's fine. the little bitch just threw the middle finger at me as she went out to munch on some tuna.
t: WHAT!?

oh yeah, folks. she's alive. and well. she was hiding. for 2 hours. while we destroyed the bed around her.

this is exactly the reason i wont EVER have a cat. they torture their people.

home sweet home...

2010-06-20T17:42:00.000-07:00

my cousin went to ireland when we were in middle school- (i think- maybe high school)- when she got home she regaled us with stories about kissing the blarney stone. i remember thinking "man.. i would really love to go to ireland someday". it's been an aching in my heart since then- maybe even before that- i've been all over europe- and all were amazing places, incredible really, but nothing that soothed my soul.

at DWH (my magazine) we are asked every issue a random question, about our *favorite* destination.. as an example: what is your favorite beach, and why? on my very first day at my new job- i was asked "what destination is on your wish list for 2010, and why?" my response was "ireland, because it is on my wish list every year."

truth be told- there is a movie- called the secret of roan inish- which came out in the 90's. It is a strange flick, but is filmed in the most amazingly beautiful locations.. and it's just been one of those movies that stuck with me.

about a month ago- my boss asked me if i had a passport, and was i interested in writing for the magazine- (not only designing). i said i absolutely was- she said i had a 'flair for words'. i thought my mom was the only one that thought that! so i was pretty jazzed when she asked me to go on a press trip to represent our magazine.. she gave me a choice, and when i heard where the places she was offering- i literally started crying.

the south western coast of ireland.

When thinking about ireland- most folks think of Dublin, and Cork- but i've always wanted to visit the Cliffs of Moher, and the caves of Doolin. Ironically- they are on the south western coast.

i looked up the resort i would be staying at, the Lodge at Doonbeg, a pristine castle-like resort set atop a natural preserve of sand dunes. i kept thinking "this is too good to be true".

and then i got my itinerary.

day two:
ciffs of moher
caves of doolin

day three:
horseback riding through the countryside
spa treatment
dinner at a pub with local live entertainment (WHAT!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?)

i cried when the plane landed in Shannon. i felt for the first time, my heart sing. (although i also cried on a nature hike, and when my flight left, and then landed in NYC- so perhaps i am just a baby).

it was a magical trip, start to finish- life changing.. really. I will post more with details of the trip, but for the moment i will leave you here.

hello there.

2010-06-11T16:05:00.000-07:00

it's been much to long since my last post- i realize that.. the way that i know it- is that everyone has stopped asking me when i am going to post again..

well, people- here it is. get ready!

since the last time i have written- i have moved (yes- again), to Orlando. I work for a magazine publisher- and i am the art director for Destination Weddings and Honeymoons- pretty much a dream job. It was tough to leave my friends and family in bradenton/sarasota- but the opportunity was just to great to say no.

i am having a blast, and loving my life.. every day is a new adventure- i am traveling, meeting new people- i have a great group of girlfriends, i live in a cute little cottage, with a white picket fence and i have become involved with the special olympics- i've been coaching the cycling team for seminole county- and really love everything about it.

anyway.. that's my (new) life- in a nutshell.. I'll write more. (honest to goodness) I leave for ireland tomorrow- which.. has been a lifelong dream of mine.. so i promise to post upon my return.

xo

can i have nuts on that?

2009-03-20T18:22:00.000-07:00

So my best friend and i (hi mag) decided to have a shopping extravaganza in st. pete last week. Saturday nights never get more crazy, let me tell you. We were looking for shelves- ended up looking at mirrors, finally- wound up buying nothing. Oh, wait, i guess that's not true- Maggie bought some sort of frame from Target. Anyway, after the shopping, we ended up deciding to play our Chinese lotto #s, and drove over to publix. We got our tickets, then decided to walk to the McDonalds- to get an ice cream, then walk back to our car..

now- let me give a little bit of sense of place here-

the publix and mcdonalds are about the length of one and a half football fields, not far, but also not a quick walk either.

alright, so we get to McDonalds- (inside, as we walked) and get behind a couple different groups of people, two single guys, and one couple. There were a few things that were interesting about this "line-up".. first, the first single guy had on a tux, and was carrying a pair of jeans. (odd, you say? yes! indeed!) regardless, the couple immediately infront of us was acting a little strange. They were dressed in baggy clothes, and looked a little rough, but neither of us thought much about it.. until the guy started acting really strangely. Talking to himself, and sort of circling us.. Maggie mouthed "watch him" to me, because it appeared he was positioning himself to either rob the mc donalds, or potentially just us. so i became a little freaked, but stayed relatively aloof, as i always am. ;-)

the guy ended up leaving, and his girlfriend (in front of us) ordered her (two) hot fudge sundays, paid and left.

Both maggie and i looked at each other and commented (after they left) how strange that was.. we ordered our ice cream, paid (with exact change) actually, i got a nickle back, which i deposited into the ronald mcdonald fund.. got our icecream, and started back towards our car. At the door, (to leave) maggie looked both ways to make sure that the creepy couple wasnt sanding there waiting for us. (they werent).

as we were walking towards the publix parking lot- a white minivan (to the right of us) turned its engine on, but didnt turn any lights on. (thats strange, i thought).. as i turn to maggie, i say "is that the couple, that just started their engine as we walked by?" maggie slyly peaks to her side, and says "yes... it is and was". i say "alright.. lets not freak out- just keep walking, but maybe faster." now.. in reality, we both were really freaking out- because the white minivan was creeping along side of us.. far enough away so it wouldnt be obvious, but.. lets be honest.. pretty damn obvious. so Maggie and i decide we are going to walk right by our car, and walk INTO the blockbuster, as neither of us felt comfortable with them knowing what kind of car we were driving.

now listen people.

Maggie and I have extremely active imaginations- we have since we were kids.. but something about this just didnt "feel" right. but we also thought that we could just be imagining this- so thought we would wait it out in the Blockbuster.

well, if you have been into a blockbuster- they are completely encased in glass- so anyone (from the outside) can see where you are (on the inside) and thats exactly what these people did. They circled the parking lot 5 times, (5 times!) and parked their car conspicuously where they could see us, and we could see them. it was incredibly strange.

all the while, maggie and i kept saying to each other "WHAT DID WE DO!?"

well, it got to the point where we got fed up. Maggie called her friend Tom, and i called the police department. I explained the situation to the operator, she told us to stay inside the blockbuster, that she was sending two cops over. As i was hanging up the phone, the minivan left the parking lot, and went across the street to a Bank Of America parking lot. It was strange......... (to say the least).

well, the cops showed up, and we walked out to the car, as soon as they (minivan) saw us talk to the cops, the started pulling out of the parking lot at the bank. Maggie says to one of the cops (still in his car) "there they are! they are across the street, watching us!" so he takes off, and pulls out after them.. (chasing! wow!) so the other cop, a bit more.. crotchety, or grumpy, or skeptical perhaps, said "alright.. ladies WHAT is going on?" Maggie and i explained our entire story (start to finish) TWICE... he says "well, what did you say to them?"

NOTHING!!! we both shouted in unison! i said "officer, we are good girls, and don't make things like this up."

as i am repeating the story for the third time, i am in the middle of saying. "they pull in at that stop sign (and point)", exactly, as they are PULLING BACK INTO THE PARKING LOT! (WHAT!?!?!?!?!) so the cop jumps back into his car, and takes off towards the minivan, just as they are "conveniently" pulling into the CVS parking lot.

strange?

so we start walking towards the cop/our car but then stop in the center of the parking lot, as we arent really sure what we are supposed to be doing. So we wait until the cop signals us to come over. I start freaking "maggie! do we have to TALK to them!? WHAT are we going to say?" "leave us the hell alone! thats what we say" she says.. (leave it to maggie.. always the backbone)

so we walk over to them, but the cop stops us short, so we arent really talking to them, but she is definitely within earshot. he says "alright.. so here is her story..." i say something sassy like "please tell us, we are dying to know" so he starts.

You were behind her in the line at McDonalds drive thru and you inadvertantly got her change but thats okay, and wasnt a big deal.. but then they coincidentally they just wanted to rent a movie too.. they didnt mean to startle you- it really was just all a coincidence.

so maggie and i (dumbfounded) look at each other and look at him.. "okay. lets get the facts on the table buddy."

#1. We werent in the drive thru.
#2. We certainly didnt get their change.
#3. If they wanted a movie, why didnt they get out of their car at the blockbuster
#4. Why on EARTH! would they circle the parking lot 5 times.

he then says.. WELL..

"she also said that you were making nasty comments about her and her boyfriend."

um.. im sorry WHAT!? is this a joke? where is the candid camera video crew?

No.. sir.. we didnt say a word to them.. or about them.

he then says (get THIS!)

Well, regardless, it's not a big deal that you got their change, they dont need the 12 CENTS.. thats right FOLKS. 12 CENTS!!!

maggie and i almost DIED laughing. Are you kidding me?! they stalked us around a parking lot for an HOUR for 12 CENTS! no. something isnt right here..

anyway.. the cop told us we could go, they were going to stay there, and continue talking to them until we were gone. Alright, great... lets go.

so we get into our car, start the engine, i look back, and yell! "maggie! they are LEAVING!" they have driven around the parking lot, and stopped at a stop sign, to see where we were going.

this. is RIDICULOUS!

so maggie being the smart cookie she is, circles around, and goes back to our friendly neighborhood law enforcement, as he saunters up to us, she says "THEY LEFT! they are WAITING FOR US AT THAT STOP SIGN!" as she says that- they pull around and wait at a different stop sign. (the cops didnt even realize that they had left!!!) sheesh..

anyway, they end turning one way, and the cop says to us.

"if you want to MAKE A BREAK FOR IT, they are going south on 4th, you can go north on 67th."

jee.. thanks for the security.

sigh!

best worst date story. ever.

2009-02-09T11:01:00.000-08:00

so, i was living in dallas- working for an ad agency- and our IT guy's name was Patrick, he was sort of dorky, but kind of cuteish.. well, he took a liking to me on my first day and my partner- (ryan) was like "dude. stay away from patrick" he is weird
i was like, whatever! he seems totally harmless
anyway
we became friendly and this one day he asked me out for a lunch date
like- middle of the week lunch date. it was cute, and he was all nervous when he asked me. i wasn't interested him in the slightest, but being a fresh out of college kid, (broke) and i knew next to NO ONE there- i was excited to go out and have a fun time.
He was telling me all about his favorite restaurant, and it was SOO good, and he was SOOOO excited to take me there

so i'm all jazzed
thinking.. "sweet.. we are going to some swanky place.. i'm going to order something delicious, and we are going to have this great time"

well.

he tells me he will pull his car around because he doesnt want me to have to walk all the way to the parking garage, and will pick me up in the front of the building- i thought that was nice, until i realized it was raining.

so he pulls up, in this older sports car, i run to the door (remember.. it's raining)

and the DOORS DONT EVEN OPEN- he rolls down the window and yells (the door is broken!)

so, yeah.. you guessed it-

i have to jump in- dukes of hazard style. (in a skirt, none-the-less)

so whatever..i' thinking.. that was weird.. but okay.

he explains the door is broken, and is getting it fixed sorry, blah blah.

so
we start driving to downtown dallas
where all the swanky restaurants are
and im getting all excited

"where are we going! where are we going!"

FINALLY, we pull in..

to. a. strip. mall.

and he parks in front of a qdoba

now, in fairness.. i have never been to a qdoba, so i have no idea what i am in store for.. if you haven't been to one- it is EXACTLY like a chipotle (the subway of burritos) so- we get in line, and he asks me "what do you think you will have?" and i was like.. "oh.. um.. im not sure- i guess i will have a chicken burrito?"

so he turns to the gal behind the counter and says
"the lady will have a chicken burrito"

i am COMPLETELY dumbfounded at this point
like. WHAT is happening
and the lady asks "do you want black or pinto beans?"
and i’m like "black" and patrick BUTTS IN, and says "black beans on the ladies burrito"
for EVERY ITEM I WANT

and the woman behind the little counter was trying so hard not to laugh
she is just looking back and forth between us.

it was so embarrassing
so then
im thinking "this is so not a date.. this is freaking subway.."
so i get my wallet out to pay
and he is like

"no no, my treat..."

this is the funny part.

"no no, my treat... it's double stamp thursday"

SOOOOOO he gets DOUBLE POINTS on his qdoba frequent buyer card for MY BURRITO
and because of those double points-

MY BURRITO WAS FREE

so- i'm like.. oh.. wow.. thank you.. That’s really nice
and then

he says, "oh! do you mind getting our drinks? i got us chips!"

i was like.. um. huh?

needless to say- we did not go to lunch or anything, ever again

well, hello there.

2008-11-20T20:04:00.000-08:00

this may.... fall under the "most embarrassing posts" category. Yes, Maggie (the person), and your friend at work who likes the falling up the stairs post. This one, may.. take the prize. I am actually ONLY sharing this story, because my aunt has told a million people already. Including my grandfather.. so i thought, hey! why not let the world know.

Yesterday, I had a 4 hour long meeting starting at 1030 AM. (more on that later). So, being the planner that i am (and caffeine-freak)Rather than stopping at starbucks on my way into work, i opted for a later caffeination, and waited until 10- I quickly scooted out of the office, ran into the starbucks around the corner, ordered my venti, non-fat extra caramel caramel macchiatto, and ran to the restroom.

this is where the story gets interesting. Read on at your own will.

As i hovered over the toilet. (yes, we ladies still hover, EVEN in starbucks)- i realized i had put my undies on inside out. This typically would be something that i would have ignored, but i thought. I am in this spacious, luxurious restroom, all by myself. I suppose, it wouldn't be HORRIBLE for me to handle "said problem". So, i did. I had wide leg jeans on, and sassy red high heels. My jeans slipped off without a problem, as did my under garments.

As i was putting my left leg, BACK through those (not so) wide leg jeans, the 3" heel, go stuck on the hem, and i had to kind of wrestle a little bit to get my foot THROUGH the leg hole.

"OHMYGOODNESS, IM SO SORRY!"

now.

lets make this a multiple choice, since, my mom (who recently passed her realtors exam) is so good at them.

i..

(a.) wasn't in the bathroom by myself.
(b.) typically apologize to myself.
(c.) forgot to lock the door, and a poor unsuspecting woman walked in, and got a clear view of my heiny.
(d.) all of the above

as my mom would say "if you dont know the answer, its ALWAYS C".

i promptly got my pants hiked up, tucked my shirt in, ran out of the restroom, grabbed my beverage, and HIT. THE. ROAD. Never once looking up, as to avoid eye contact with the poor innocent bystander.

"barista! make that a triple!"

go. fight. win. or something like that.

2008-11-16T19:11:00.001-08:00

i have a girlfriend, who i absolutely adore. When I first lived in Boston, i casually knew her through a circle of mutual friends, and i actually in a tipsy-stooper (word?) one night, told her i wanted to be her best friend because she was "the coolest girl ever."

alright.

so i had a fema-crush. whatever.

It worked. She and i quickly became fast friends, and she was completely my go-to on most everything when i lived in Boston. Since i've moved, we've obviously become a little distanced, but only because of it. (the distance). She is still one of my best gals, and i still go to her for almost everything.

She is a solid rock, and an amazing sounding board, and ultimately- the best cheerleader, for her friends, i have ever met. below is a slice of a convo we had this evening,

me: "relatively crap-o weekend"

her: "ME TOO!"

me: "everything okay on the everything front?"

her: "i guess, i just.. dont feel funny today."

my response. : "i think thats okay.. you dont have to be funny every day.. you're human, ya know?"

i sometimes wish i would listen to myself.

She and I have had these conversations- where, growing up as "cheerleader" type personalities, we feel it is our job to cheer people on, help people out, always have a happy face, etc. etc. etc. the reality of this is..

its EXHAUSTING, and sometimes we (i) just dont want to do it. but we do- cause its our "job".. Sometimes it's nice to have someone to take that pressure, and rely on them to cheer YOU on.

So today, my blog goes out to her.

thinking, loving, sending good thoughts your way, doll. I'll be the cheerleader today.

xo.

what IS that?

2008-11-03T20:20:00.000-08:00

a friend of mine said to me today "God made babies stay babies for such a short period of time because they are ugly- why would someone want to remind us of how ugly they are.

this was in response to a website link i sent him, that makes authentic looking replica's of babies. They can be customized with spinal cords, breathing tubes (gasp!), and felt filled nostrils for authenticity.

now, look. I'm into some weird stuff too.. like.. putting peanut butter on oreos. (for the record i have not done that since my sophmore year of college), or listening to the same song over and over, or practicing my handwriting- yeah im weird. But not.. like.. certifiable weird.

this baby making business (literally) is freakishly weird.

After sending the note "this is what i am getting you for christmas, hope you like it!" to a few of my *dearest* friends, some of the responses were as follows:

"i may never conceive a child thanks to you."
"um, no thanks, send it back"
"what. the. hell. is that?"
"is that a baby monkey? seriously! it could swing from trees. look at the big toe on that thing."
"SPINAL CORDS!?"
"Lauren, for real. where do you find this stuff?"
"that is terrifying."

if you are totally freaked out.. i apologize. if you are intrigued, and want to "adopt" a "baby" (yes, thats how she phrases it)... we may not be able to be friends. ever. sorry. if anyone is interested in seeing said website, please contact me for details.

shower up, pup.

2008-10-30T14:52:00.000-07:00

Maggie has been staying in my bathroom, while i am at work, because the little devil learned how to shimmy up the side of her doggy gate, and get out in the middle of the day.. typically ending up on the coffee table, and not being able to get down. and just barking at the floor all day.

so, we (meaning me) opted for the bathroom.. thinking, alright- there are only a few things she could destroy, and all of them, i can put higher than she can get to. It's been working out pretty well....

except.. every time i was getting into the shower, the matt on the bottom of the tub was wrinkled up, and the sides of the tub were dirty!? I mean, i know you take a shower to get clean.. but i never knew my feet were THAT dirty. blech.. so, im constantly cleaning the tub, and then i realized.....

wait for it.

wait for it.

those arent people prints.. those are PAW PRINTS!!!

I walked in from my bedroom yesterday morning, to this site.

BUSTED.

"no maggie no!"

2008-10-23T21:15:00.001-07:00

some of you may know, my best friend (literally) since birth.. (well, hers not mine)'s name is Maggie. This could potentially lead to some confusion, because the dog i just "adopted"'s name is.. you guessed it... also Maggie.

it makes for a comical time when i am on the phone with Maggie (person), and i start yelling "no maggie! no!" (to the dog). Maggie (person) gets her feelings hurt usually, and ends up hanging up on me. ha! if you actually know maggie (person) you will realize that last statement was a lie.

But alas. I thought i would share a cute story about maggie. (the dog). Lucky little devil just inherited 10 new collars, (and leash sets) a new bed, new treats, new toys, (the list goes on and on and on). The bed, being a super expensive, super plush- "wag wear" frame type box bed. There is a canvas box, and a nice, wonderful squishy pillow sits inside this "frame", that maggie is supposed to sit ontop of.

well, as i was watching Grey's Anatomy this evening, i hear a bit of grunting (she sounds like a pig, did i mention that?) (the dog not the person).. and i look over, and she has pulled the pillow (which is twice her size almost) out of the frame. she then proceeds to hop INTO the frame, and lounge IN it. rather than on it. I couldnt help but laugh.

Take that pillow tops!

oh heyyy!!! remember me?

2008-09-23T15:06:00.000-07:00

alright.. everyone hold on to your hats. this is.. officially.. (wait for it) (waaaittt for it).....

a new blog! its only been.. oh, i duno. 9 months? I could have a child right now, and you'd never know about it. (i didnt by the way)

did you think i forgot you? never.

I do however, feel it completely necessary to update all of you on my life, and my whereabouts. Not that the three of you who read this regularly dont know- but in the event anyone else exciting has happened upon my blog, they'll be thoroughly ecstatic to see that i am still alive. and kicking. kicking hard.

I am trying to decide if anything new and exciting has happened to me in the last 8 months.. hm... lets see.. oh wait.

yes.

my life is completely. different.

After turning down a job offer in July Of 2007, in Boston Massachusetts, i rethought the offer, in February accepted it. Moved my life, my car, my apartment, my everything to Mass. I left the fella and the dog in NYC, and did the commuting thing.

After being in Boston for a month, my boss was 'let go', and the two designers i worked with quit. independently of the situation, but quit none-the-less. I became (essentially) the art department for about 4 months. In the interim, after a tumultuously decent relationship, 3 months ago, my boyfriend of (almost!) two years and i decided to call it quits, and move on to (in my case) bigger and better things, (in his case) his same old life. just sans sassy lauren. ah well. So is life. I buckled down, and started thinking.. "alright.. this boston thing could work. its a cool town.. i could like it here."

when, BLAMO! out of nowhere, my company hired a new creative director, with his own staff of three. Which left me to figure out.. "ok, is this boston thing REALLY going to work? where do i fit now?" After about two months of trying to make things work with my creative director, he and i decided that it would be best if i moved on, to something else.

so. my life basically became a country song over night. I lost my boyfriend, my dog(s), my job, my house. (the list DOES actually go on).

so! i made an executive decision. And by executive decision, i mean, conferring with my mom,dad, aunts, cousin, best friend, best friends husband, brother(s), so on and so forth. I really have no executive decision powers in my body. not at the present moment at least.

anyway! that executive decision was.... i need to come home. Back home to Florida. Anywhere in Florida would suffice, but anything south of Orlando would be prime. So i sent my resume out. All over the place. Got a couple bites, got a couple interviews, got a couple (4) job offers within 4 days.

So! After many a sleepless night trying to make the right decision, i decided on a publishing company that is based in (basically) my backyard growing up. The company's name is Miles Media. They're headquarters are in Sarasota, Florida. with offices all over the world. I am going to be art directing for the company. Which means, i get to go on photoshoots, design publications for the travel industry, and also! Give client presentations. one thing i felt i was lacking in my previous jobs was the face-to-face factor. My computer certainly doesn't think i'm funny, or nice, hopefully my clients will. (fingers crossed please).

I found an apartment yesterday, and move in on the 30th. I am so excited to start the new chapter in my life. I am hoping that i will have the time to update this thing regularly, including pictures from the exciting places i will be traveling. like. wisconsin, and wyoming. (im serious).

anyway! thats the update. I am trying to decide what kind of photo i will post for this blog. I think i will use the recent photo of myself with my niece, Nicole Elizabeth. who was born March 18th, 2008. For those of you who really know me, and my life history, you will also know that she shares the birthday with my mother (hi mama!), and shares my middle name. i think its pretty obvious from the photo that other than her grammy, i am her most favorite person in the entire planet. (you can see that, right?)

so. there's that then.

smarter than the average dog.

2008-02-10T13:56:00.001-08:00

i am babysitting my boyfriends dogs while he is out of town, for two weeks. I love his dogs.. most of the time. They are the sweetest little nuggets. sometimes. Lucy, is the love of his life. (no, my nickname is not lucy). She is a twelve year old pomeranian, french bulldog mix (see picture attached) (this picture is when she was being sweet). Anyway.. she rules the house.. in every capacity. he lets her, so, in turn, i let her too. But. When daddy's gone.. the rules change a bit. I think i am in charge, and Lucy, well..

so does she.

Yesterday, I was taking the pooches on their daily afternoon tinkle break, but it was snowing.. so it was more of a run, pee, hurry up and get back in the house. Well, Patrick, who stays on a leash, was taking his time, and Lucy, decided it was too cold outside for her little paws. So, she went in the house before i did.

Before i continue this story, i feel it important to let you know i had decided i would not actually get dressed for the day.. and was wearing my boyfriends hoodie, my pajama pants, his (size thirteen boot) and his beanie (which i refer to as his "homeless hat") . Now, i dont want you to think i was being sentimental by wearing all of his garb, in his absence. no no, it was meerly the fact that i pulled the hoodie on when i got out of bed, and his hat and shoes were right by the front door, so i slipped them on before i ventured out into the snow.

ok, so back to the story.

Lucy went inside before Patrick and i did.. and we were walking about 200 feet from the front door, when i see, lucy's little head stick up behind the glass of the door.. (to see where we were) next thing i know.. click. she pushed the door closed.

bitch.

I walk over to the door, thinking, "did i lock that?" "certainly not".. and low, and behold.. Lucy is curled up in front of the heater, as i realized, this door is locked. no problem, i have a spare set of keys (to the house) in my car. I walk over to my car, and, you guessed it.. locked. (i never lock my car when im at the house!) so now, i start panicking. I look COMPLETELY homeless, carrying a jack russell, dachshund mix (patrick), trying every window in the house. I can only imagine what the neighbors were thinking..

and to make matters worse, my cell phone was inside the house.

So i have this mental picture, of myself, walking down the street, to the closest phone (which is at least a mile away).. in shoes 5 sizes too big, no bra, a sweatshirt, and pajama pants.. carrying patrick..

can you imagine?

luckily... i found an in, and scurried inside.. Lucy didnt bat an eye..

little devil.

"there is a problem with your ticket"

2008-01-10T08:58:00.000-08:00

so, as some of you may (or may not) know, my mom is on myspace.. not in the creepy, i make friends, and chat with other people way.. just the, i want to be able to see your pictures way. anyway.. she leaves me comments, daily, about how i havent updated my blog since october.. so i figured. today is the day. i owe it to my mom. :) here goes... here is a funny little reminder of my previous life.

After working at Town and Country magazine, i went back to my previous publication for one last hoorah.. it was.. an experience. it was fine, honestly.. things worked out really well, i was back with the team that i really liked, and i was doing what i was most comfortable doing- working around the clock. I was training one of my dearest friends to replace me, so it was an adventure.. we had a lot of fun.. and did A LOT of work, but produced a really great magazine as the end product.

i really hope the following story isnt offensive to anyone.. it really was just a funny story- totally blog-worthy.. which my mom reminded me of just the other day.

The day before i was leaving Aspen for (potentially) the last time, we had a small celebration, for closing the issue, as well as my last day.. in the middle of the party, my coworker says to me, why dont you check in (online) so you dont have to worry about getting to the airport too early? i say yeah.. thats a good call.. so i go to do that.. i get an error message "please see a gate agent for your boarding pass".. hmm.. thats weird. ive never gotten an error like the before. so, i call the travel agent who has booked my ticket.. she says, "weird, i am getting the same error.. can i talk to XXX (who actually booked the ticket).. sure.. so they chat, next thing i know, i am to check in at the desk the next morning.. okay, thats fine, whatever. i dont mind getting there a bit early.

so, i tell my (other) coworker, who is (also) a friend of mine outside of work, i need to get to the airport a bit earlier than expected, as i cant check in online.. she says thats fine, no big deal.. we had a great plan. we were going to go out, have dinner and cocktails, then she was going to crash at my condo to take me (6AM) to the airport. In the middle of this conversation, one of our coworkers overheard this, and said, "hey! [boss] arent you flying out tomorrow morning on the 7 am flight as well?"

i thought i was going to choke.

[boss]: yes! i will take you, LC.. i dont want [coworker1] to get up that early..
[me]: uhm okay, but i need to get there early, i cant check in online, so i need to get there, at least an hour early.

after a long chat about how ASE is nothing like JFK, we neednt worry about getting there any earlier than 40 minutes.. i said, no. i need to be there AT LEAST an hour earlier. if not, i will find another route. no, no problem, [boss] assures me. I will pick you up at 10 till 6. ok. perfect.

the whole time, i am completely sick about this, because i know the schedule [boss] keeps, and that timing/being on time is not their strong suit.

regardless, i get my stuff packed, and wake up at 5, at 5:30, i called to confirm that i would be picked up in twenty minutes.. "yes, i am walking out the door now".. great! i walked all of my stuff down two flights of stairs, and waited outside.

for 40 minutes.

lets do the math here.. 5:30 plus :40 equals 6:10. strange.. thats twenty minutes PASSED the time i was supposed to be picked up, and ten minutes PASSED the time i was supposed to be checking in at the airport. so now, im pissed.

[boss] comes screaching around the corner, sees me, slams on the brakes, and i walk (with my huge duffel bag) to the car. there is an enormous suitcase (for a weekend trip) in the backseat.. so i ask "can you pop the trunk?" "no. there is stuff in there. i dont know where your bag will go."

uhm.

so, i heave my 56 lb bag (i found out about about that extra 6 pounds a bit later in the story)ontop of the suitcase.. and i am shoving, and pushing with all my might to get this damn bag in the car. finally. its in, i slam the door.. and get in the front seat. "your late." "LC.. i told you, its not JFK, there wont be a problem"

ARGHHHHH..

i am a nervous traveller. not in the sense that i freak out on planes, or panic about crashing, i just like being there early. i like sitting and waiting, and hearing them call my row, etc. it just makes me feel a bit more calm about getting to where i need to go. and i realize that i wasnt flying out of a major airport.. but.. to me.. i dont care. it doesnt make a bit of difference. i still like that cushion.

so, we screech up to the curbside check in, at somewhere between 6:25 and 6:35- i hadnt looked at my watch, as i was completely freaked out about the timing. for my 7:00 flight.

"can you take my suitcase out of the car? i have this shoulder thing still"

"uhm, i have about 15 minutes before my flight.. i really, cant."

"your right there though.. please?"

ARGH!!!

ok. fine.

so i took the suitcase out of the back of the car, and ran up to the counter. [guy at counter]: what flight are you on? "the 7 am" [GAC] you better hurry. they are boarding.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!?

so i run INSIDE, as curbside has already closed for my flight, talk to the guy at the counter, and he says "weird, i am getting an error message with your ticket" (the same error i got the previous night.) there is a problem with your ticket.. have you make some changes recently? i said, well, i was supposed to fly out yesterday, but the flight was changed through a travel agent." he says, "hm.. well, that shouldnt be an issue then.. im going to print you a security pass, so you can get through the security line, but i will have to figure this out. you cant board the plane yet." i respond.. "uhm, okay....?" he says, oh.. your bag is six pounds over. you dont really have the time to figure it out, they will leave without you. "fine, charge it" i say.

so i run, (literally) to the security line, which is about 20 people long, and i am just praying.. that i get through with no hiccups, and no "run-ins" if you know what i mean. well, as im waiting, i turn around to see [boss] walking up behind me. {excellent}

"thats a weird looking ticket, ive never seen one like that."

"its not a ticket, its a security pass, just so i can get through security, and potentially make my flight.. there was a problem with my ticket."

"no there wasnt. there is absolutely no way there is a problem with your ticket. i paid for that ticket, there was no problem with it."

"im just telling you what the guy told me, i cant get on the plane until they figure it out."

"oh, i see whats going on here.. there wasnt a problem with your ticket. there was a problem with you! (yelling at this point) you have been profiled.. thats why they wont let you on the plane."

blink.. blink... "im sorry.. what?"

"yes, ive heard of them doing this.. profiling people that look suspicious."

as i do a once over of what i am wearing/what i look like... i say

"your right, a 5'10" blond in a sweater dress and cowboy boots is exactly the type of terrorist that comes in and out of the aspen airport."

"well, since there is a problem with your ticket, do you mind if i get in front of you, so i dont miss my flight?"

"nope."

which is when [boss] starts to ask everyone in front of us, if there is a way to sneak ahead, as [boss's] flight is at 7:10.

"we are all on the 7:10 flight."

so, we get up to the part where you take your shoes off, and put everything on the conveyor belt.. where [boss] says to the security gaurd.. "can you hurry up? i have never seen a more inefficient situation!" (multiple times)

so, as [boss] goes through, [boss's] carryon didnt quite reach the conveyor belt.

hm.. thats weird.. i should push that through..................

ahem..

the security gaurd says to me, "i cant let you through, you dont have a boarding pass. there was a problem with your ticket." i respond.. well, i realize there was a problem with my ticket (to which [boss] yells across THERE WAS NO PROBLEM WITH HER TICKET!!!!) but, the guy at the counter said this would get me through security, and they would try to figure my ticket out while i was in line here. she says "no, i cant do that.. im sorry, you'll have to wait."

[boss] is mumbling about where said carryon is.. "LC, is my bag over there?"

damnit.

"nope." (as i push it to the conveyor belt)

finally the guy (from the counter) runs over and says "let clark through, we have her ticket."

so i run ahead of everyone, and go through security, they check my carryon, [boss, yelling from the other side of the airport] "i told you there was no problem with your ticket LC!! bye!!!]

security guard: "effing bosses."

ha. tell me about it.

God Love 'em.

invasion of the ipod people....

2007-10-05T12:40:00.000-07:00

Im not quite sure I have ever seen a phenomenon quite like the ipod-craze in NYC. I mean. Its not "every couple of people" with ipods on walking down the street.

It is every person. I mean. EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON.

Its weird.

Everyone has their tiny little white earbuds coming out each side of their head. Jamming away..

I've seen little old ladies with them.. Which makes me laugh.. But the funniest thing I have heard/seen about this craze was something my friend Paul (see asian blog) the other day told me.

We were sitting in Bryant Park, eating dinner. This was our conversation..

Him- "so, do you mind the train ride?"
Me- "not at all. I actually really like it. Its the first time in as long as I can rememeber that I have two hours of nothing but "me" time.. I am in the middle of this great book. Except some idiot talked to me the whole train ride this morning, so I didn't get to read."
"lauren.. I thought you had an ipod?"
"yeah.. I do. But I cant listen to music and read at the same time."
"no. You don't ACTUALLY listen to music. Its just so people wont talk to you."

I was flabbergasted..

I asked him if people HONESTLY just wear the earphones so that other unsuspecting victims don't interrupt their "alone" time. He said absolutely. He even knows people who don't HAVE ANY MUSIC on their ipods.

Huh??

So. I took a poll. I asked (the few) friends I have at my office about this- and all confirmed.. "oh yeah.. 3/4's of the time I have nothing playing."

So I was on the subway this morning, and I looked at guy (who was sitting next to me) 's ipod screen.

Black.

Not even on.

Well. I didn't want to talk to him anyway.

Rude.

then i realized.. i had mine on, and nothing was playing.

my greatest fear....

2007-10-04T15:14:00.000-07:00

so, some of you know, and some of you may not know- i have a fear of falling up (or down) stairs. i dont know where this came from- or when/if it will ever go away.. but its there.. and its constant.

when i was in college, and on the rowing team.. we used to have to run bleachers.. which is (as it sounds) simply running up and down concrete (you guessed it) stairs. anyway.. when i would "run stairs" i would usually make some excuse about going down slowly.. because i was so terrified of falling, and knocking my teeth out.

well.

i decided to buy myself a new pair of pants. they are grey, with a 2 inch cuff. let me tell you . they are niceeeee.

after leaving work on monday, i knew i had to book it to the train- in hopes of catching the 525. I got on the subway, as usual. went my three stops, got off, and started walking (aka running. As i approached the end of the subway station, there are 3 flights of stairs (short ones) that i always sort of ....hesitate... when i get to. (i slow my stride just a bit) well. i knew i had to hurry, so instead.. i took off- full force, up the stairs.. leaps and bounds.. until i got to the very top step. which exits the subways station onto one of the most crowded, busiest streets in the city.

which is where the right heel of my 3"boots got tangled in the brand new 2"cuff of my new pants. so. as you can imagine.

i fell. right in front of 2 million people. some homeless guy even said "whoa nelly!" haa..

it was awful. but i was still running late so i gathered myself, and my things (my purse had an unhappy small spill as well...) and went on my way.. well. at least i will never see any of these people again.

until i got on the train 17 minutes later. i was sweating (from running), panting (from running), and bloodied (from falling). (just on my hands- no one panic)

and some extremely handsome, extremely wealthy (*rolex*/ armani suit) guy comes walking up to me and says in his new york accent. "are you ok? i saw you fall outside the subway!"

ugh.

of course. in the city of 7 million people. i fall, UP the stairs (no less!) in front of the ONE GUY who is on my train EVERY DAY.

nice.

way to play it Clark.

what is that burning?

2007-09-13T19:30:00.000-07:00

*these are not my feet, nor my shoes, nor my mom-jean high waters.*

im officially a working girl.. ya know.. like.. city-business-living-working-breathing-eating-sleeping-type, working girl.

one who wears high heels (yes, at 5'10 i can still wear heels).. dress pants, skirts, the whole nine yards.. well.. i dont wear hose (or stockings- or whatever they are called now)- so i guess, the whole 8.5 yards..

regardless.. im a business professional. and i finally feel like a grown-up.

after taking a week off, and getting my bearrings, and finally figuring out what i wanted to do, and "who" i want to be..

i want to be someone who goes to a professional work environment, busts my ass all day, then comes home to someone who loves me.

thats it.. thats all i want. end of story.

yesterday, as i was walking to the cafeteria, i realized that i felt like i had been hit by a small car.. honestly, i felt like i had a really rigorous quad-workout, "strange" i thought.. "i havent even looked at a gym, let alone entered one, in WEEKS." Then, i realized. i havent worn heels (for a consistent period of time) in, well.. ever. and not only am i wearing heels every day (high ones too!) but i am trekking about two miles in then EVERY DAY!

my office has donuts for the staff, which i have become very good at politely declining.

this morning?

yes, please.

2007-09-02T16:36:00.000-07:00

so, as some of you may (or may not) know. i am officially/technically unemployed. i have no full time employment, and am planning on vacationing, and freelancing for the next few weeks. im really excited. BUT! that means, that i had to move. which requires packing all of my crap, (or selling it) getting myself in a car, and driving thirty hours. in one direction, or another.

i thought i would share a story...

i have spent the last three days driving cross country, with a truck full of "crap".. and i have to be honest. driving for more than 15 hours a day, can really start messing with your head.

i pulled over at a toll booth plaza- grabbed my little ticket from the lady, closed my window, and went on my merry way. much to my dismay, a tiny little gnat swarmed in the window. i have to be honest... that is potentially the most annoying thing that could have happened. well, closing in on 10 hours, (or so) i did a seventh inning stretch (while driving)

you know this one.. you lean back as far as you possibly can, stretch one arm at a time, shake your shoulders a bit, and of course, yawn.

well, in the midst of this stretch- i felt something slam into the back of my throat. i immediately started coughing, drank some water, and cleared my throat.

that bastard!

so now, i am FREAKING OUT that i have SWALLOWED A BUG.. ugh. how disgusting.. well, for about fifteen minutes, i felt a tickle in my throat, and couldn't clear it strong enough to loosen that little bug(ger).

i changed the radio station, and.. my little friend flew out of the tape player.

i started laughing to myself, AT myself.

im one of those little yappy dogs...

2007-08-14T10:01:00.000-07:00

so, after 14 days of not leaving my office, barely having time to shower, eat, and breathe, we are shipping the fall issue today.

yay!

and i got a phone call from my mom last night "uh, why havent you updated your blog lately?"

i'm so sorry mama.. i should have taken my .125 hours of sleep a night, and traded it in for a post or two.. how dare i!?

so! here's to you mama.. a quick update...

i think i have made a decision about the critical decision i have to make. well. i have made a decision for the next five minutes.. at least i have that going for me. I seem to work myself into this frenzy when i really cant seem to think straight, and i literally make myself sick worrying about things..

i told one of my girlfriends stephanie today..

im like one of those little yappy dogs that pees when it gets excited.. except i'm a person, and i throw up.

is that your cousin?

2007-08-06T11:07:00.000-07:00

A little history:
On my my closest male friends in college's name was Paul Shin. He is asian (korean to be specific). Hysterical, handsome, you know.. The whole nine-yards.

Well, going to college in Savannah, GA- there were very few asians in the immediate, and surrounding areas. The few that there were, were Paul's cousins.

So. Whenever we saw an asian walking on the street, or in the mall, we would lean over, and ask paul very discreetly "hey, is that your cousin?" (or brother, or sister, or mom/dad, etc." it was a fun game we used to play.. And he got really pissed off, but laughed everytime.

Well. Recently, I have decided that I might be moving to live in his parents basement apt. (he lives with them). It would be wonderful- and we will have so much fun.. And we were making plans to go see my family- who lives in Massachusetts..

This was our conversation.

--

Paul- where in mass?

Me- plymouth

same plymouth the pilgrims lived in?

Haha-Yes,the very same .

nice
are there any koreans there?

Uhmm...i suppose if they came over on the mayflower, I'd guess there are some there.

i don't know about that one - maybe as a stowaway?

True... if you come visit with me, you will be there.. so- there will be at least 1! That's a start.

true - what if they chase me around and try hitting me with a stick

Well, then ill beat them up.

sweet. i'll go then

excellent.

you realize tho- if we see another asian, i'm going to have to ask if they are related to you.

Yeah, I figured as much.. That's fine.

Yesssss

--

i love you paul!

STOP means stop.

2007-08-04T13:53:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine gave me a heads up to this.. (thanks Patrick) .. it just continues to make me wonder...

um, what is wrong with people??

Sioux Falls police arrested 60-year old Verle Peter Dills on Tuesday after he was caught performing an unnamed sex act in another resident's yard. The Argus Leader reports that while searching his home, police uncovered a "large amount" of video showing Dills having sex with various traffic signs. Dills is charged with burglary, unlawful occupancy and six separate acts of public indecency.

mystery man...

2007-08-02T18:30:00.000-07:00

so, i was in an editorial meeting with a coworker, my supervisor, and our boss. My coworker said something about dating around town, and getting busy, and "seeing someone" and my boss says to everyone "well, i heard LC is getting busy! Traveling all over to see this mystery man!"

so.. i turn COMPLETELY red, and am horrified .. and i cant stop laughing, which gets everyone laughing..

and.

thats the whole story.

funny things, those apron strings...

2007-07-30T22:20:00.000-07:00

parenting is a funny thing. not funny ha ha, but funny what do you know.. i cant say that i know from any form of experience, but i have watched friends raise children, my brothers raise children, and i have the best example of parents..

a boyfriend from college and i broke up (i think) because i was never going to be as good as his mom (in his eyes).. and that really kinda scared me.. i was never going to be betty crocker- dinner on the table- wife/mom... im not saying i WOULDNT do those things, its just that thats not how i was raised, not how i want to live.. when i would talk to MY mom about it we would both say "sheesh.. those apron strings.. blah blah blah" (we wouldnt actually say blah blah blah, we would fill that in with actual meaningful nonsense."

i have always had an extremely close relationship with my parents. as some of you may know, my mom, is my closest best friend.. not the "my mom let me drink at the age of 15" closest "BFF". but, the, "i want to be exactly like her when i am a mom", closest, best friend, because, if you know me, and you know my mom- she was not the best friend- buddy buddy- mom.. she was the real.. fair.. just.. mom. no drinking, no cursing, no lying, don't miss your curfew, do your homework mom.

she's the best.

my brother and father tend to think that my mom and i are TOO close. i apparently rely on her for TOO much, and vice versa.. i dont (we, i suppose) dont neccessarily think this is a BAD thing, but more of a convenient thing. so- we need each other, whats the big deal!?

i am in the middle of a really difficult decision- one of the times in my life, that i just like to talk to my mom, even if its in circles, even if there is no outcome, even if its just to hear her say "mm hmm" on the other side of the phone.. she makes me feel a little less crazy, and more, important..

i have talked to a couple people about my current situation- option A, or option B. most people are telling me that option A sounds like the best plan, and plan B sounds safer. (which sounds good to me). The guy i am seeing wont give me his opinion, and when he tries to logically talk to me, i seem to combat it with "yeah, but, what if..." my friends tell me their thoughts, and i say "well, what about..." but when my parents talk... i listen. i've always looked to them for approval, not in an unhealthy way, but in a , i dont want to disappoint you, ever, way. so- i've been talking things through with my mom, over and over and over.. and wrestling with myself constantly, so tonight she said- "ya know, your dad is better at this. i think you should talk to him when i get home."

so, we coordinate times, and i will be home in 20, she will be home in 10- okay, then lets talk in 30.

30 minutes on the dot, mom calls- says "hey- can you talk to dad?" "sure!"
(before you read further, you must realize that my father is the most amazing man on the planet)

"hey daddy.. "

"hi baby, whats up?"

"well, did mom tell you whats going on?"

"yes, so...what do you want to do?"

"i duno daddy. thats why im calling.. i keep flip-flopping, and i dont know what the best decision is."

"well, i dont know what to tell you- it depends on what you want to do.. you have to make this decision.."

"yeah.. i know dad, i just.. cant make up my mind. what do YOU think?"

"lauren. you are an adult. you need to make your own decisions. we cant solve this for you. you and your mother rely on eachother too much to deal with day to day things.. this is a life decision. something YOU need to make. not me, not your mother. do not go to your mother for this."

"welp... alright dad.. thanks for the talk. im gonna go eat dinner now" (as i hate being lectured about my relationship with my mother.)

"alright hon. love you. proud of you."

"yep, thanks dad, love you too."

and what do i do??

i immediately text message my mom "call me when you are alone."

when she calls first thing she says "well! that went well!"

ha.. love you mama.

its the pilot...

2007-07-18T19:12:00.000-07:00

i wrote this blog a few weeks ago..

--

i am over at my friend's apartment. I am staying with her for a couple days/weeks/years. depending on how sick of me she gets, and depending on how much sleep i actually need.

anyway, we were sitting on the couch watching tv, and all of a sudden we heard this loud BANG! and then a bunch of clicking noises. i was completely freaked out.. i was looking all around, peering out the front door trying to see if there was a criminal trying to break into my dear friends home. so, as im trying to slyly look through the window pane, i hear jessy giggling behind me. "what are you doing!?" she asks. i say, "jess. someone is outside. trying to break in". she laughs again and says. "lauren.. thats the pilot.. ya know, on the heater?"

oh. well. i.. uhm.... oh.

"you owe $180"

2007-07-12T16:31:00.001-07:00

So, as some of you may, or may not know- i went to the Savannah College of Art and Design.. in beautiful, sunny, georgia. this really has nothing to do with my blog, except for the fact that i lived in Savannah, Georgia.

My senior year, i got a couple parking tickets.. all of which i paid. promptly- i was very good about it. until, one day i got a notice on my car saying my car was about to be impounded, or booted if i did not pay my $180 in late fees.

uhm. hello... what?

so, i carried my happy behind down to the city of savannah parking services to talk to them, (i heard they were really understanding in person)..

lie.

anyway. i get down there, explain my situation to the manager, Kim.. who seemed to give less than two poops about me.. and wanted nothing to do with my situation- either pay up, or we boot your car.

so, i pay the $180, as i really seemed to have no choice.

two months later, i get a notice, for $90 for tickets from two months back, (over halloween actually) on a block that there was absolutely no way i would EVER park on, and i WAS IN ATLANTA that weekend! so.. i went back to the office, and tell the woman, my dear friend, Kim, that this was impossible- i was out of town this weekend, and there is no way i got any tickets..

well.. ma'am, unless you have proof your car was in atlanta, like a parking garage ticket with your license plate # on it, you cant prove it.. what, do you think we made this up?

well, yes, kim.. i do, actually.

long story short. i indeed, have to pay $90.

two months later, another notice. i am XX days past due on my parking tickets, my car will be booted, or impounded..

please, God... tell me this is a joke.

(now, the story gets a little blury in my mind because this is all my senior year of college- and i was going through a bunch of stuff, oh, like, say.. graduation!) (so i might need help on this mom)

i went back down to the office, this time a bit more heated then the last.. and told the woman (kim), that i needed to speak with her supervisor. i then got into his office, and i sat down. and calmly explained my dilema.. i explained how i was in a really tough position, with my brother being a cop, and my father being a lawyer (this is a lie).. he immediately started back tracking, and wanted to help as best he could.. etc. etc. etc... my tickets were quickly erased, and my slate, wiped clean..

so!

you can imagine my surprise, when yesterday, i was opening my mail, and got a COLLECTION NOTICE from the CITY OF SAVANNAH, for a parking ticket from February 2007. (3 years after i graduated, and in a different car) the car is one that i have never, ever driven TO savannah. One that has actually, never even been to Georgia.)

i literally started laughing hysterically in the post office.. the other 3 people in there, thought i had completely lost it, and made a quick getaway to the door.. in case i was a mail-bomber, or something, i suppose..

fortunately.. i am not..

just have to make a phone call, and maybe have my lawyer dad (wink, wink) make a quick trip to the S-A-V.

uhm... you there! excuse me!?

2007-06-15T17:32:00.000-07:00

so, this morning, i was leaving to go to work - at 7 AM. as i was almost to my car, a woman called out to me. "uhm, you there! excuse me!" i looked up, and saw an older, woman- naked as a jay-bird, standing there, completely panic stricken. i said, "yes, may i help you?" she said, "I'm locked out of my apartment, and have no way of getting in!" i ran back to my apartment, grabbed a towel, and my cell phone and called the emergency security gaurd.

i went back to her with the towel, at about the same time the answering service finally answered my call. I explained the predicament as succintly, and politely as possible without embarassing the woman..

in the mean time i walked back to my apartment- got a pair of pajamas, (i am still on the phone) where the answering service said "well, just let her hang out with you for a while". i said, "look! she is standing outside her apartment, i am in mine getting her clothes- its freezing, and i have to go to work.. she cannot stay in my apartment. please have someone come quickly."

she retorted with something along the lines of "well, our security gaurd just got out of the shower, and cant be there for at least twenty minutes."

i walked back to the womoan, gave her my clothes, and said here.. put these on- the security guard will be here in twenty minutes- i dont want you to be here in a towel.. she laughed and said "your so sweet. i dont even know how this happened!" i said "not to be nosy, but, how DID this happen?" she laughed and said, "well, i came out to get my news paper, and saw that they put it at my neighbors door, so i grabbed it, and heard the door click."

note to self. do not walk out of apartment naked. ever.

my name is lauren.... and i have a problem.

2007-06-11T15:11:00.000-07:00

so, i thought i might tell a quick funny story. first of all..

my name is Lauren, and i am a coffee drinker.

that being said.. i drink large sugar free vanilla skim lattes, most often. this actually works out to be three times a day. (four on a bad day).

well, the other day i went into the local coffee shop, where i know the guy behind the counter, by know, i mean, we are best friends.. and i tell him daily that he is my favorite person in the world. he was making my third (iced by this point in the afternoon) latte of the day, and he said... "lauren.. do you know whats in this?" i said.. well, coffee and milk.. or something along those lines..

he laughed and said "there are three shots of espresso in each of these. this is your third. thats nine shots for you today. you're cut of."

seth!!! it's only two o'clock!!!!

he winked and said "ill see ya at 4."

bourbon slush...

2007-06-03T14:11:00.000-07:00

so, i went out with my girlfriends last night. Jessy, Emily, Meredith, Leila, and me.. a couple other friends were out, that we met up with. I have to be honest. it was one of the best, funniest nights in Aspen. anyway... my girlfriends know, i am a vodka drinker- when i go out, i order a capecod, or a stoli raz and sprite. well. I have all of a sudden sort of "taken" to drinking bourbon. A girlfriend of mine makes this thing called a bourbon-slush. its a frozen libation, typically made for a kentucky derby -type party. well, i made it for another friend's memorial day party, and, unfortunately- it didn't freeze. Well, we all (everyone at the party) decided it was just as good on ice, rather than frozen... so, i decided this would be my drink of choice last night. as sort of a tribute to a friend who couldn't be with us.

uhm mistake. the bourbon itself wasn't so much a mistake as the idea of mixing it with the 4 inch platform heels, cobblestones(of aspen) and dancing. in the middle of the street. So, as jessy and i ran to try to catch the last bus, i totally fell and she continued to drag me along the street.

thanks jess.. fun times.

gizmo...

2007-06-01T18:03:00.000-07:00

i was talking to a friend of mine today. and he mentioned that his stomach sounded like it was eating itself.. and i all of a sudden got this image in my head, of a little gremlin poking through my friend's belly.

needless to say, i got completely freaked out- and told him i couldn't be his friend anymore, because i was completely grossed out, and thought he was turning into a mad-scientist experiment. (this was of course, a lie- because he is one of my most favorite people ever). But still.. the thought did cross my mind.

The movie (appropriately named) gremlins was a household favorite when i was a kid. when i say favorite, i mean that my older brother used it as a torture device for me. i hated the movie. it gave me nightmares. but, if he wanted to watch tv alone. he knew all he had to do was turn that movie on. and i was out the door.

so. yeah. in general.. not a fan of the gremlin. they might look cute and cudely... but wait till one of them starts eating your friends stomach. not so cute then.

go labron.. go away labron.

2007-05-31T22:05:00.000-07:00

i went to a bar tonight for dinner. it's actually a very ritzy restaurant, but i/we decided to sit at the bar because, a.) it is a cheaper menu, and b.) i was in a tshirt and a skirt. not exactly jimmy's attire. regardless... i should have known it was a silly night to attempt a relaxing dinner. The cavs and the pistons were playing.. and everyone knows what a crowd labron pulls.

well. never in a million years would i have expected this crowd at Jimmy's.

either way. They were there. as was i. so i thought.. make peace with your abhoration (is this even a word?!) for the ruffians that watch basketball at bars.. join in! so i started watching the game.. not just watching. but intently focusing in on it. enough to wear the bartender had to tap me to ask what i wanted to drink..

second overtime, labron is about to shoot... and the idiot next to me.... spills his flipping beer all over the place. when i say all over the place, i really mean, all over me. im not talking a drop. im talking- i pray that i dont get pulled over on my drive home, because i will be arrested. he, being the drunken buffoon that he was, didnt realize that i was upset. he sort of side hugged me, which made me incredibly uncomfortable, and said "that Labron!!!!"

ugh.

i avoid sport's bars for a reason..

apparently i need to cross Jimmy's off my list of places i like.

pisser.

quick update

2007-05-29T19:51:00.000-07:00

The reason i started blogging was that i was in a new relationship- the new-love thing, and i wanted those closest to me to know what was going on with me and the easiest way for me to tell them (all three of them) quickly and efficiently was to post a blog about it. i thought it very smart, and technically-savvy of me. but, it became like an addiction. my blogs were like crack to them, and they no longer lived for anything but the words i would consistently type into my little myspace profile.

I made a new friend, well, he's not really my friend- more of a pen-pal type. well, no. back up. he is a friend. just one that ive never met. that still counts, right? anyway. he blogs, i told him i blogged, not realizing the side-effects of this conversation.. he in turn (like a good friend) asked to read it, and i was mortified to tell him it was linked to a myspace page. ugh.

so, i have finally decided to put on my big girl pants, and have a real-life blog.

alas. it is time for an update. all three of you (hi guys) know all this. but i feel it necessary to inform anyone/everyone else who may be reading this.

i started writing about my adventures about a year ago. over a year ago, actually. and a lot has changed.

i moved to aspen, then i moved four times- from denver to carbondale, from carbondal to aspen, from aspen to snomass1, from snowmass1 to snowmass 2, the last move included moving in with my boyfriend, and our friend.

update on living... rather than having one roommate and one boyfriend, i have two roommates. there are still three of us, the same three who originally lived together.. read between the lines.

life's interesting. to say the least.

ill try to keep you informed on this.

wooohooo...

here goes nothin.

2007-05-29T19:14:00.000-07:00

i had a conversation with a girlfriend/coworker about my blog. i told her i wanted a real one- and i needed her help with the title. she said it was too personal, and i needed to come up with some- i needed to "spend some time with it". sheesh. never did i expect my blog to have such a critical impact on my evening. its all ive been able to think about. titling my blog.

i came up with a list of titles that i thought might suffice-

• grey blue eyes (which is a. my favorite dave matthews song, and b. the color of my eyes)
• my enigmatically colorful life
• i color my hair often
• this is it... my blog ( this is about as original as i am)

then i ordered dinner. a turkey philly, with mushrooms. "mustard no mayo."

the lady asked "you want mayo?"

my response- "no, hold the mayo"

and my blog title was created.

--

I realize this may seem impractical, or even silly. But it has become sort of a joke in snowmass- at certain restaurants that i eat at regularly. I'll order, and the server (that knows me) waits.. patiently.. for my list of "withs, and withouts, none of this, and extra of that"..

i am completely meg ryan in when harry met sally.

-
Sally: I'd like the chef salad please with oil and vinegar on the side, and the apple pie a la mode.
Waitress: Chef and apple a la mode.
Sally: But I'd like the pie heated, and I don't want the ice cream on top. I want it on the side, and I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it. If not, then no ice cream, just whipped cream, but only if it's real. If it's out of the can, then nothing.
Waitress: Not even the pie?
Sally: No, just the pie, but then not heated.
-

seriously.. thats me, and luckily- my friends are the people who bring me my food- so i dont ever expect spit or anything gross lurking under my salad.

alright, well...

welcome to my world.

the lovely bus lady.

2006-12-01T19:43:00.000-08:00

yesterday, after a long day of work.. nay- a ridiculously, emotionally exausting, incredibly long day of work- i took the bus home.. which has been my 'system' this week.. i am in the middle of an incredible book, and i can't seem to put it down- so the logic of taking the bus, rather than driving in terential conditions, leads me to believe that i am pretty-darn-smart.

i digress..

yesterday- after my "day" i hustle to the bus- as it is about to pull away.. wait wait!!! the bus driver lets me on, and i realize in an instant.. i am standing on this thing. there are no seats, which (logically) i can't read.. which (logically) ticks me right off.. grrr.. we start driving away, and i am like, alright.. .this is okay.. i am standing but i am right in the front, first one off, i can read when i get home.. at the next stop (the bus driver must not have realized the bus was totally packed) about 20 people need to get on the bus. uhmmm... okay....? they file on, and i have the joy of being behind (yes, no longer in front) of an extremely wealthy french visitor. she smiles at me, and i smile back.. she looks down, and says 'i really dont want to put my bag on the ground (a louis vuitton briefcase-with pointy corners..remember this) i kind of chuckle, as i thought that was what i was supposed to do.. grab onto the bar above my head, and we move.

I am now stuck between lovely-lady in front, and a tiny mexican woman behind me.. who, obviously didn't speak any english.. when we were moving back to fit more people in, she didn't understand me, so i smiled, and pointed towards the back of the bus.. she moved, until she politely stated "no mas".. driving driving driving.. we come to a stop that a guy 2 people in FRONT of me, needs to get off at.. this means, the lady in front of me, myself, and the lady behind me need to move.. well.. lovely lady infront of me, starts pushing me with her briefcase..

you remember the one.. with the pointy corners.. yeah.. that one..

and i was like, "whoa, lady.. i am moving as fast as i can.. hang on.." so, i end up having to get off the bus so this guy can get off, i get back on and the order has changed. the mexican woman was in front, the other lady was in the middle, and i was now in the back.. a girl (inbetween the other two) stands up, and says to the mexican woman "would you like to sit? i am getting off", as she points to her seat. The mexican woman (delighted!!) says Gracias!! and sits, "LOVELY LADY" says, in her loudest, richest, most audacious voice.. "You are so STUPID!" (twice) i look at her.. and as most of you know.. when im pissed.. ya know it.. so.. i step a step closer, and say to her..

excuse me.. did you just tell her she was stupid?

she laughs, and says "yes! she is so stupid, didn't you see how stupid!"

i say, no.. i must not have..

her- "well, i was pushing her, and telling her to move so i could have that seat!"

me- "she isn't stupid, lady.. she doesn't understand you. but she is NOT stupid."

her- "oh come on! everyone understands that when you push them, it means to move!, she should have known that girl was asking ME if i wanted the seat"

me- (laughing) are you serious!? she clearly asked her if SHE wanted the seat. you weren't even paying attention! She might have understood you, and ignored you- as there is a polite way, and an impolite way to do things.. i would have ignored you too."

her- (gasp!) are you saying i am impolite?

me- yes, absolutely.. i think you are incredibly rude.

at this point in the story, she looks absolutely appalled that i have chosen to speak to her in such a way.. so she marches up to the front of the bus with her Louis Vuitton bag, and tells the unsuspecting victim who now has the pleasure of standing next to her, that i was scary, and she was worried for her safety..

eff off lady..

lovely, my ass.

the end.

reason, season, or lifetime

2006-11-23T20:48:00.000-08:00

so this is an old post, one that i wrote in October- and i reread and, and realized i need to update it. i will write the updates in italic so you can differentiate.

it seems, in life things happen for a reason.

Every opportunity, every situation happens to prepare you for the next. thus.. is my life. on the same note. i think people come in and out of your life for..a reason, or a season.

What's that saying?.. a reason, a season, or a life time.

i feel like lately.. the people i have met, have drastically changed the outlook of my future. I will go into a few details.. nothing to serious.. I'm sure you probably could care less... AND .. i have to be at work in 6 hours..

David. my boss for a season.. he got me the job that i have today. He taught me a lot of really valuable things in life.. like.. parsley is bad. ranch dressing is good. :) david is a famous designer i studied in college, he is the reason i (ultimately) moved to Aspen. I will (i hope) never hear from him again.

Joie. Reason..My funny friend from New York. Was my boss.. taught me a lot about relationships. personal, professional, etc. Taught me how to 'call it what it is'. Which I couldn't do. nothing much new to report here. there was a business fall out- and we are no longer in communication. he taught me exactly how to screw up working relationships.

Andrew. Lifetime. A local photographer who i have become extremely close with. He has taught me the ins and outs of running my own business. Taught me about contracts, and money. Clients vs. friends. We work well together, and i appreciate his patience while i learn everything there is to learn about my industry.. And new role at the magazine. unfortunately- i was wrong. Andrew and i have lost touch, and no longer work together. We had a brief stint of a freelance thing together- which has since fallen through the cracks.

Wayne. (undetermined) The design consultant who has come into the magazine- to teach me, essentially- how to become an art director. He is an amazing teacher, and knows certain areas where I need to learn. And I need to grow. It was awesome working side by side with him, im exhausted from all this 'learning'. the 14 hour days are tough. but, I can see Wayne and I being friends for years.. But, only time will tell. its funny, as in the past nine months (wow!) Wayne has become an integral part of my life. we are in constant communication, and i depend on him for a lot more than i initially thought i would. he's quickly become the one person i solely depend on, and completely trust. he is a great teacher, and wonderful friend. so- undetermined needs to be changed to lifetime.

I'm excited about this new venture in my life. I'm excited to see where this avenue of creativity will take me. I can't help but be nervous.. And anxious. But. Above all. I'm psyched.

My mom says that she was always nervous before any big promotion..

"can I do this!?" but, she assures me.. I can. And that keeps me going.

im still in my current position- sort of. i dont officially know what my title is- (i have three i think)