can i have nuts on that?

So my best friend and i (hi mag) decided to have a shopping extravaganza in st. pete last week. Saturday nights never get more crazy, let me tell you. We were looking for shelves- ended up looking at mirrors, finally- wound up buying nothing. Oh, wait, i guess that's not true- Maggie bought some sort of frame from Target. Anyway, after the shopping, we ended up deciding to play our Chinese lotto #s, and drove over to publix. We got our tickets, then decided to walk to the McDonalds- to get an ice cream, then walk back to our car..

now- let me give a little bit of sense of place here-

the publix and mcdonalds are about the length of one and a half football fields, not far, but also not a quick walk either.

alright, so we get to McDonalds- (inside, as we walked) and get behind a couple different groups of people, two single guys, and one couple. There were a few things that were interesting about this "line-up".. first, the first single guy had on a tux, and was carrying a pair of jeans. (odd, you say? yes! indeed!) regardless, the couple immediately infront of us was acting a little strange. They were dressed in baggy clothes, and looked a little rough, but neither of us thought much about it.. until the guy started acting really strangely. Talking to himself, and sort of circling us.. Maggie mouthed "watch him" to me, because it appeared he was positioning himself to either rob the mc donalds, or potentially just us. so i became a little freaked, but stayed relatively aloof, as i always am. ;-)

the guy ended up leaving, and his girlfriend (in front of us) ordered her (two) hot fudge sundays, paid and left.

Both maggie and i looked at each other and commented (after they left) how strange that was.. we ordered our ice cream, paid (with exact change) actually, i got a nickle back, which i deposited into the ronald mcdonald fund.. got our icecream, and started back towards our car. At the door, (to leave) maggie looked both ways to make sure that the creepy couple wasnt sanding there waiting for us. (they werent).

as we were walking towards the publix parking lot- a white minivan (to the right of us) turned its engine on, but didnt turn any lights on. (thats strange, i thought).. as i turn to maggie, i say "is that the couple, that just started their engine as we walked by?" maggie slyly peaks to her side, and says "yes... it is and was". i say "alright.. lets not freak out- just keep walking, but maybe faster." now.. in reality, we both were really freaking out- because the white minivan was creeping along side of us.. far enough away so it wouldnt be obvious, but.. lets be honest.. pretty damn obvious. so Maggie and i decide we are going to walk right by our car, and walk INTO the blockbuster, as neither of us felt comfortable with them knowing what kind of car we were driving.

now listen people.

Maggie and I have extremely active imaginations- we have since we were kids.. but something about this just didnt "feel" right. but we also thought that we could just be imagining this- so thought we would wait it out in the Blockbuster.

well, if you have been into a blockbuster- they are completely encased in glass- so anyone (from the outside) can see where you are (on the inside) and thats exactly what these people did. They circled the parking lot 5 times, (5 times!) and parked their car conspicuously where they could see us, and we could see them. it was incredibly strange.

all the while, maggie and i kept saying to each other "WHAT DID WE DO!?"

well, it got to the point where we got fed up. Maggie called her friend Tom, and i called the police department. I explained the situation to the operator, she told us to stay inside the blockbuster, that she was sending two cops over. As i was hanging up the phone, the minivan left the parking lot, and went across the street to a Bank Of America parking lot. It was strange......... (to say the least).

well, the cops showed up, and we walked out to the car, as soon as they (minivan) saw us talk to the cops, the started pulling out of the parking lot at the bank. Maggie says to one of the cops (still in his car) "there they are! they are across the street, watching us!" so he takes off, and pulls out after them.. (chasing! wow!) so the other cop, a bit more.. crotchety, or grumpy, or skeptical perhaps, said "alright.. ladies WHAT is going on?" Maggie and i explained our entire story (start to finish) TWICE... he says "well, what did you say to them?"

NOTHING!!! we both shouted in unison! i said "officer, we are good girls, and don't make things like this up."

as i am repeating the story for the third time, i am in the middle of saying. "they pull in at that stop sign (and point)", exactly, as they are PULLING BACK INTO THE PARKING LOT! (WHAT!?!?!?!?!) so the cop jumps back into his car, and takes off towards the minivan, just as they are "conveniently" pulling into the CVS parking lot.

strange?

so we start walking towards the cop/our car but then stop in the center of the parking lot, as we arent really sure what we are supposed to be doing. So we wait until the cop signals us to come over. I start freaking "maggie! do we have to TALK to them!? WHAT are we going to say?" "leave us the hell alone! thats what we say" she says.. (leave it to maggie.. always the backbone)

so we walk over to them, but the cop stops us short, so we arent really talking to them, but she is definitely within earshot. he says "alright.. so here is her story..." i say something sassy like "please tell us, we are dying to know" so he starts.

You were behind her in the line at McDonalds drive thru and you inadvertantly got her change but thats okay, and wasnt a big deal.. but then they coincidentally they just wanted to rent a movie too.. they didnt mean to startle you- it really was just all a coincidence.

so maggie and i (dumbfounded) look at each other and look at him.. "okay. lets get the facts on the table buddy."

#1. We werent in the drive thru.
#2. We certainly didnt get their change.
#3. If they wanted a movie, why didnt they get out of their car at the blockbuster
#4. Why on EARTH! would they circle the parking lot 5 times.

he then says.. WELL..

"she also said that you were making nasty comments about her and her boyfriend."

um.. im sorry WHAT!? is this a joke? where is the candid camera video crew?

No.. sir.. we didnt say a word to them.. or about them.

he then says (get THIS!)

Well, regardless, it's not a big deal that you got their change, they dont need the 12 CENTS.. thats right FOLKS. 12 CENTS!!!

maggie and i almost DIED laughing. Are you kidding me?! they stalked us around a parking lot for an HOUR for 12 CENTS! no. something isnt right here..

anyway.. the cop told us we could go, they were going to stay there, and continue talking to them until we were gone. Alright, great... lets go.

so we get into our car, start the engine, i look back, and yell! "maggie! they are LEAVING!" they have driven around the parking lot, and stopped at a stop sign, to see where we were going.

this. is RIDICULOUS!

so maggie being the smart cookie she is, circles around, and goes back to our friendly neighborhood law enforcement, as he saunters up to us, she says "THEY LEFT! they are WAITING FOR US AT THAT STOP SIGN!" as she says that- they pull around and wait at a different stop sign. (the cops didnt even realize that they had left!!!) sheesh..

anyway, they end turning one way, and the cop says to us.

"if you want to MAKE A BREAK FOR IT, they are going south on 4th, you can go north on 67th."

jee.. thanks for the security.

sigh!

well, hello there.

this may.... fall under the "most embarrassing posts" category. Yes, Maggie (the person), and your friend at work who likes the falling up the stairs post. This one, may.. take the prize. I am actually ONLY sharing this story, because my aunt has told a million people already. Including my grandfather.. so i thought, hey! why not let the world know.

Yesterday, I had a 4 hour long meeting starting at 1030 AM. (more on that later). So, being the planner that i am (and caffeine-freak)Rather than stopping at starbucks on my way into work, i opted for a later caffeination, and waited until 10- I quickly scooted out of the office, ran into the starbucks around the corner, ordered my venti, non-fat extra caramel caramel macchiatto, and ran to the restroom.

this is where the story gets interesting. Read on at your own will.

As i hovered over the toilet. (yes, we ladies still hover, EVEN in starbucks)- i realized i had put my undies on inside out. This typically would be something that i would have ignored, but i thought. I am in this spacious, luxurious restroom, all by myself. I suppose, it wouldn't be HORRIBLE for me to handle "said problem". So, i did. I had wide leg jeans on, and sassy red high heels. My jeans slipped off without a problem, as did my under garments.

As i was putting my left leg, BACK through those (not so) wide leg jeans, the 3" heel, go stuck on the hem, and i had to kind of wrestle a little bit to get my foot THROUGH the leg hole.

"OHMYGOODNESS, IM SO SORRY!"

now.

lets make this a multiple choice, since, my mom (who recently passed her realtors exam) is so good at them.

i..

(a.) wasn't in the bathroom by myself.
(b.) typically apologize to myself.
(c.) forgot to lock the door, and a poor unsuspecting woman walked in, and got a clear view of my heiny.
(d.) all of the above

as my mom would say "if you dont know the answer, its ALWAYS C".


i promptly got my pants hiked up, tucked my shirt in, ran out of the restroom, grabbed my beverage, and HIT. THE. ROAD. Never once looking up, as to avoid eye contact with the poor innocent bystander.

"barista! make that a triple!"

go. fight. win. or something like that.

i have a girlfriend, who i absolutely adore. When I first lived in Boston, i casually knew her through a circle of mutual friends, and i actually in a tipsy-stooper (word?) one night, told her i wanted to be her best friend because she was "the coolest girl ever."

alright.

so i had a fema-crush. whatever.

It worked. She and i quickly became fast friends, and she was completely my go-to on most everything when i lived in Boston. Since i've moved, we've obviously become a little distanced, but only because of it. (the distance). She is still one of my best gals, and i still go to her for almost everything.

She is a solid rock, and an amazing sounding board, and ultimately- the best cheerleader, for her friends, i have ever met. below is a slice of a convo we had this evening,

me: "relatively crap-o weekend"

her: "ME TOO!"

me: "everything okay on the everything front?"

her: "i guess, i just.. dont feel funny today."

my response. : "i think thats okay.. you dont have to be funny every day.. you're human, ya know?"


i sometimes wish i would listen to myself.

She and I have had these conversations- where, growing up as "cheerleader" type personalities, we feel it is our job to cheer people on, help people out, always have a happy face, etc. etc. etc. the reality of this is..

its EXHAUSTING, and sometimes we (i) just dont want to do it. but we do- cause its our "job".. Sometimes it's nice to have someone to take that pressure, and rely on them to cheer YOU on.

So today, my blog goes out to her.

thinking, loving, sending good thoughts your way, doll. I'll be the cheerleader today.

xo.

what IS that?

a friend of mine said to me today "God made babies stay babies for such a short period of time because they are ugly- why would someone want to remind us of how ugly they are.

this was in response to a website link i sent him, that makes authentic looking replica's of babies. They can be customized with spinal cords, breathing tubes (gasp!), and felt filled nostrils for authenticity.

now, look. I'm into some weird stuff too.. like.. putting peanut butter on oreos. (for the record i have not done that since my sophmore year of college), or listening to the same song over and over, or practicing my handwriting- yeah im weird. But not.. like.. certifiable weird.

this baby making business (literally) is freakishly weird.

After sending the note "this is what i am getting you for christmas, hope you like it!" to a few of my *dearest* friends, some of the responses were as follows:

"i may never conceive a child thanks to you."
"um, no thanks, send it back"
"what. the. hell. is that?"
"is that a baby monkey? seriously! it could swing from trees. look at the big toe on that thing."
"SPINAL CORDS!?"
"Lauren, for real. where do you find this stuff?"
"that is terrifying."

if you are totally freaked out.. i apologize. if you are intrigued, and want to "adopt" a "baby" (yes, thats how she phrases it)... we may not be able to be friends. ever. sorry. if anyone is interested in seeing said website, please contact me for details.

shower up, pup.

Maggie has been staying in my bathroom, while i am at work, because the little devil learned how to shimmy up the side of her doggy gate, and get out in the middle of the day.. typically ending up on the coffee table, and not being able to get down. and just barking at the floor all day.

so, we (meaning me) opted for the bathroom.. thinking, alright- there are only a few things she could destroy, and all of them, i can put higher than she can get to. It's been working out pretty well....

except.. every time i was getting into the shower, the matt on the bottom of the tub was wrinkled up, and the sides of the tub were dirty!? I mean, i know you take a shower to get clean.. but i never knew my feet were THAT dirty. blech.. so, im constantly cleaning the tub, and then i realized.....

wait for it.

wait for it.

those arent people prints.. those are PAW PRINTS!!!

I walked in from my bedroom yesterday morning, to this site.

BUSTED.

"no maggie no!"

some of you may know, my best friend (literally) since birth.. (well, hers not mine)'s name is Maggie. This could potentially lead to some confusion, because the dog i just "adopted"'s name is.. you guessed it... also Maggie.

it makes for a comical time when i am on the phone with Maggie (person), and i start yelling "no maggie! no!" (to the dog). Maggie (person) gets her feelings hurt usually, and ends up hanging up on me. ha! if you actually know maggie (person) you will realize that last statement was a lie.

But alas. I thought i would share a cute story about maggie. (the dog). Lucky little devil just inherited 10 new collars, (and leash sets) a new bed, new treats, new toys, (the list goes on and on and on). The bed, being a super expensive, super plush- "wag wear" frame type box bed. There is a canvas box, and a nice, wonderful squishy pillow sits inside this "frame", that maggie is supposed to sit ontop of.

well, as i was watching Grey's Anatomy this evening, i hear a bit of grunting (she sounds like a pig, did i mention that?) (the dog not the person).. and i look over, and she has pulled the pillow (which is twice her size almost) out of the frame. she then proceeds to hop INTO the frame, and lounge IN it. rather than on it. I couldnt help but laugh.

Take that pillow tops!

oh heyyy!!! remember me?

alright.. everyone hold on to your hats. this is.. officially.. (wait for it) (waaaittt for it).....

a new blog! its only been.. oh, i duno. 9 months? I could have a child right now, and you'd never know about it. (i didnt by the way)

did you think i forgot you? never.

I do however, feel it completely necessary to update all of you on my life, and my whereabouts. Not that the three of you who read this regularly dont know- but in the event anyone else exciting has happened upon my blog, they'll be thoroughly ecstatic to see that i am still alive. and kicking. kicking hard.

I am trying to decide if anything new and exciting has happened to me in the last 8 months.. hm... lets see.. oh wait.

yes.

my life is completely. different.

After turning down a job offer in July Of 2007, in Boston Massachusetts, i rethought the offer, in February accepted it. Moved my life, my car, my apartment, my everything to Mass. I left the fella and the dog in NYC, and did the commuting thing.

After being in Boston for a month, my boss was 'let go', and the two designers i worked with quit. independently of the situation, but quit none-the-less. I became (essentially) the art department for about 4 months. In the interim, after a tumultuously decent relationship, 3 months ago, my boyfriend of (almost!) two years and i decided to call it quits, and move on to (in my case) bigger and better things, (in his case) his same old life. just sans sassy lauren. ah well. So is life. I buckled down, and started thinking.. "alright.. this boston thing could work. its a cool town.. i could like it here."

when, BLAMO! out of nowhere, my company hired a new creative director, with his own staff of three. Which left me to figure out.. "ok, is this boston thing REALLY going to work? where do i fit now?" After about two months of trying to make things work with my creative director, he and i decided that it would be best if i moved on, to something else.


so. my life basically became a country song over night. I lost my boyfriend, my dog(s), my job, my house. (the list DOES actually go on).

so! i made an executive decision. And by executive decision, i mean, conferring with my mom,dad, aunts, cousin, best friend, best friends husband, brother(s), so on and so forth. I really have no executive decision powers in my body. not at the present moment at least.

anyway! that executive decision was.... i need to come home. Back home to Florida. Anywhere in Florida would suffice, but anything south of Orlando would be prime. So i sent my resume out. All over the place. Got a couple bites, got a couple interviews, got a couple (4) job offers within 4 days.

So! After many a sleepless night trying to make the right decision, i decided on a publishing company that is based in (basically) my backyard growing up. The company's name is Miles Media. They're headquarters are in Sarasota, Florida. with offices all over the world. I am going to be art directing for the company. Which means, i get to go on photoshoots, design publications for the travel industry, and also! Give client presentations. one thing i felt i was lacking in my previous jobs was the face-to-face factor. My computer certainly doesn't think i'm funny, or nice, hopefully my clients will. (fingers crossed please).

I found an apartment yesterday, and move in on the 30th. I am so excited to start the new chapter in my life. I am hoping that i will have the time to update this thing regularly, including pictures from the exciting places i will be traveling. like. wisconsin, and wyoming. (im serious).

anyway! thats the update. I am trying to decide what kind of photo i will post for this blog. I think i will use the recent photo of myself with my niece, Nicole Elizabeth. who was born March 18th, 2008. For those of you who really know me, and my life history, you will also know that she shares the birthday with my mother (hi mama!), and shares my middle name. i think its pretty obvious from the photo that other than her grammy, i am her most favorite person in the entire planet. (you can see that, right?)

so. there's that then.